• ‘Cause he’s an idiot!

    The other day Mom said to stop Smokey from licking up the soap “Cause he’s an idiot!”

    I acted like that was the funniest thing I’d heard in a while because it was. Smokey not only rides the short bus, he’s the driver and conductor.

    So tonight I found the litter box turned over and Smokey on the sink looking guilty. What obviously transpired is that he was sleeping on the sink and fell off into the litter box. Not the first time either.

    “Cause he’s an idiot!”

     

  • Bugers

    Mom’s gotten re-obsessed with genealogy. Some new DNA test or something became available a couple of months ago and now pretty much every conversation involves ancestors. For a couple of months. Ancestors. Relatives. Ancestors. Relatives. Did I mention ancestors? Morning, noon and night. Ancestors. Revered ancestors. Hated ancestors. And worse, ancestors and relatives on Facebook.

    I don’t see what the big deal is; her family tree is as straight-arrow as they come.

    One of the relatives on Mom’s FB group pulled a fast one and referred to the Buger family, even suggesting that you could get a Buger sample while the victim slept. (say that out loud)

    Not only did that send people scurrying to check the family trees for Bugers, one person even said he’d nail old Dad while he slept.

    And I thought owl sex on the gag shag was bad.

     

     

  • Passing a car

    Sounds painful but really it wasn’t.

    We were tootling along GA 121 when we encountered someone out for a Sunday drive on Saturday. Going 45 in a 60 zone is bad enough but then the speed decreased to 40. Time to do something!

    Things don’t happen quickly in the Barge. Given our acceleration is usually furlongs per fortnight, I figured our passing distance was several miles.

    When all was clear as far as I could see, I put the pedal to the metal and tried to attain Warp 8. And she shook her butt a moment, dropped into second and did exactly that. By the time I looked in the mirror there was a cloud of black smoke like an old F3 loco going uphill and no slow little car to be seen.

    I was really surprised. This was no stately procession; this was 10 tons of a rocket ship.

    Barge my ass.